Metacognition: Crazy Ramblings

"I hate writing essays. I hate writing essays. I hate writing essays. I hate writing essays," was what i told myself after finding out about the short story project- and yes, I know you meant "short story" and not "essay", but to me, they were just the same at that point. Graded writing assignments. Things that i would be judged upon.

So I loathed in having to write this short story. I knew that it was going to take forever. I knew that I was going to struggle with ideas. I knew that I'd almost have nothing to even write about either. I knew I was going to put it off to the last minute, and i knew that it was going to give me an awful headache in the process. Why couldn't i just write about something simple, like birds? My overly-obsessive brain was just going to make the assignment harder on me, and the more i thought of this, the worse it became (it's funny how that works!).

And i do tend to be a little over-obsessive when it comes to writing. I tend to spend hours knit-picking my way through sentences as opposed to letting my thoughts flow freely. I struggle to come up with the perfect ideas. I revise as i go along. I find myself in a slump quite often, and the fact that I get stuck so often reflects my poor sense of organization. I get stuck on words, phrases, ideas, thoughts, and whatever other garbled crap that happens to be floating around in my mind.

So ok, i know, I'm way too hard on myself, but that actually contributes to poor writing, believe it or not. How can one even hope to write when they have such low self-esteem? Sure, he or she may feel free to think that their finished work is crap, but how does one even write when they know ahead of time that it's going to be crap?

I certainly had that notion for my short story, and that notion, I realized, almost pushed me to the brink. It ruined my spirit. It put a damper on the assignment. It also would have fed on itself, had i not overcome it and began writing.

Yes, writing. I've noticed how wonderful it feels is once I actually begin my writing. It's like relief. Releasing built up pressure. Allowing oneself to become absorbed in his work. Ahhh... this writing...it's almost like a drug!